Fragile

So, as I posted in FB,

The bad feelings always come true.

It’s not only one thing that happened.

-Case 1-

One of my friend, 

phone me during my working time.

Errr, although it is true but also quite sad to say that, 

she only calls me when the

NOT-SO-GOOD-THINGS happened.

And yes, I got it right!

She failed one of the subjects for last semester.

I was like,

“Hmmm, okayyyyy..

So what should I say now??

I'm really sorry to hear that,

but I'm not sure what kind of response 

I should give then only won't hurt her. 

 -Case 2-

In my internship place,

I did a mistake too.

Which I forget the time to go for 

invigilates the students who are having their exam.

The exam starts at 12.45pm, 

and I should be there around 12.30pm.

When the last time I look at the time is 12.16pm, 

and I thought still have time for me 

to complete some work.

(I keep remind myself not to be late later)

And this is how I get too into my stuff 

and forget the time.

I received a call from a staff that is 

in charge with all the exams stuff in school.

She’s asking me where am I now 

when I should be invigilating the student at the moment.

And when I rushed there, 

it’s already 1pm.

-Case 3-

Yesterday night, 

I went out for lunch with 

Chai Yeen and Mei Mei.

Then Ah Joyce and the gang said 

will come and join us.

By the time I reached there, 

Ah Joyce them not yet reach 

so I sent her a message. 

After sent the message, 

I just simply tell that Mei Mei,

“Actually later they don’t want to come ady.”

And again, my prediction came true.

She replied me say that will have dinner together next time. 

Because one of the members said that 

the restaurant serves food quite slow.

Scary right??

But it still not the end of the story yet.

-Case 4-

Last night again, 

after we done with our dinner, 

we’re heading back to our hostel.

And Mei Mei keep winding down 

the car window then shout and laughing like crazy.

Although I scolded her,

but I can feel there’s something happened to her.

It’s just I’m not sure it is a happy or sad things.

And when we reached hostel,

She tells out everything.

Which she couldn't continue 

her study here anymore and 

she’ll be leaving by this Wednesday.

I can see the tears in her eyes, 

and so as Chai Yeen’s.

And suddenly, Mei Mei started to cry.

I know that if I also start to cry,

both of them will cry more.

So I try to make the least emotion 

on my face and start to joke around 

with idiot words and stupid jokes with them.

Chai Yeen held backs her tears and laughed.

Then Mei Mei also laughs back 

after wipe away her tears and starts scolding me 

about spoiling the atmosphere.

So what? 

I'm still prefer to see her anger than her tears.

But then she starts to questioning me 

about why am I so emotionless.

Maybe I make her feel like she’s not important, 

because I do not show any reaction at all.

I do not want to answer this question, 

because it might break my “wall” 

and make me wanna start to cry.

So I questioned her back,

“What kind of responses do you wanted to see?? 

Okay, let’s pretend that I don’t know yet, 

you tell me one more time 

then I give you other responses.”

They start to scold me and laugh again.

Then I walked to Mei Mei 

and give her a big tight hug.

I hope she can feel what I feel 

when giving her that hug.

The worse things is,

I some more dream about this last night.

End up I wake up in a sad mood 

and cried in bathroom this morning.

The one that close with me 

know that I used to play music 

when I’m taking my bath.

Normally I play the songs 

with happy melody during morning, 

so that I will have happy mood 

for the whole day.

(This is just what I believe la=.=)

But, I'm not moved by the songs 

that I always get excited with at all.

Then I try to sing along.

As I start to sing, my tears burst out.

Then only I realize that 

I'm really not in the mood 

to listen to any happy songs.

At least for now, 

it makes me feel more sad.

So for the rest of the day, 

I mean during my working time, 

I listened to the piano songs in my computer.

the piano songs like Yiruma,  

Studio Ghibli collection & the Disney.

I’m just feeling like I want to listen to music 

that do not contain any words.

***************************************

I know that it is not possible that 

only good things happened in life.

But… 

Can I choose that the bad things 

do not happened all together??

It’s like I have to receive 

so many negative news within 2 week time.

P/S: 

Never know that I'm just that fragile.

Please allow me to be emotional few more days. 

Hearts, FC